It’s really not too difficult to identify a true control freak personality. For the most part, they have no friends because, quite frankly, nobody can stand to be around them. They’re demanding, bossy, critical and manipulating. Their aggressive behavior is consistent, they don’t want to give up. They have one goal in life--to have it their way or no way!

In Control or Out of Control?

The need to feel in control of others is usually caused by feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. Controlling people are very often successful and prosperous humans, very much in control of their own lives. Despite this fact, they are not very good at covering up their own feelings of vulnerability. It would be devastating for them to have someone see them as defenseless or out of control. So what do they do?

To compensate for these undesirable feelings of inadequacies, they go out on a mission to control other people’s lives. Putting others down has the effect of making them feel emotionally superior, which is what they crave.

The Real Person Behind the Control Freak Personality

That real person is probably worn out. The need to be critical and in control of everything and everybody around you can be draining. You become so afraid of losing the people around you that you go into overdrive, pushing everyone away with your controlling behavior. What you fear most is brought on by you. You can no longer call the shots and set the agenda when no one is there for you to manipulate. It’s hard to pretend that everything is dandy in your world when no one is there to notice.

It’s time to lighten up!

How Not to Be a Control Freak

If you find yourself constantly thinking I would rather be in control or wondering why am I such a control freak, you need to redirect your fixation to a meaningful goal. Having a positive affect on other people’s lives is not about dominance and control. The real power comes from nurturing people and being sensitive to their needs.

Here are steps for dealing with a control freak personality and aggressive behavior:

• Stop thinking the world revolves around you and that everyone is watching you. In reality, people are not consumed with thoughts about you. When you pressure yourself with the need to feel superior for fear people will judge you, you are wearing yourself out with issues that no one else cares about. They don’t even like you.


• Own up to the situation. Be aware of how you make people feel. If a relationship is on edge because of your behavior, take responsibility for what you are doing to cause those close to you to become distant.


• Think about what a dud you are to be around. Allow yourself to fully understand why people do not want to be around a pestering person who is critical, controlling and constantly nags.


• Lighten up and roll with the punches. There is nothing wrong with being attentive to details, but when it is ruining your relationships, it is time to reevaluate your behavior.


• Learn to trust yourself and the world you live in. Be self-assured that a situation can turn out just fine without you scheming every little aspect. If one segment collapses, so be it. You’re still here. The world’s still here. It didn't all fall to the wayside just because you gave yourself permission to let go.


• What have you gained in the past from controlling others? Nothing. So, what have you got to lose if you give it a break? Acknowledge to yourself, it’s not possible to have power over people and the world.


• Accept the fact that this intense need to control is not about the people you are trying to control. It’s about you and feeding the churning chaos that resides inside you.

The next time you feel your "I would rather be in control" routine coming on, go ahead and ask yourself: Why am I such a control freak? I know I can’t control people or the world around me. Then boldly give yourself permission to finally let go and make the choice to change.

By Marguerite Pickett Comments(0) 2007-04-10 01:10:02